"There are different reasons we get mad at employees. Maybe they lied by omission or didn't follow your direction. Sometimes they use poor judgment or they can challenge your authority. Employees can give negative feedback too. And when they hold you accountable, it's easy to get pissed.
Here's a key coaching point. Anger is a masking emotion. Instead of feeling fear, anxiety, or guilt; instead of feeling embarrassed, betrayed, or hurt; we get mad. It's easier and it feels better to get pissed, but it's not a productive emotion. Good leaders are always in control. And when you're angry, you're not in control of your emotions.
When you demonstrate anger, you project weakness because you put yourself on their level and you cede your leadership authority. When you're angry, you have a coaching opportunity. But to coach effectively, you have to see past the anger. When you get angry, take a thinking break and process the anger. Look for the emotion behind the anger.
Sometimes the anger is not about them; it's about you. When it is, own it and move on. But let's say the employee has let you down and you feel betrayed or hurt. Or maybe you feel anxious because they've created a mess you need to clean up. Clean up the mess and hold the employee accountable. If they fail to meet your standards, tell them and coach them back on track.
You don't have to tell people you're angry, just hold them accountable. When you're mad, people get defensive and you lose the coaching opportunity. When people are called into account, they feel a sense of responsibility and your coaching has a much better chance of sticking."