Why this is important - when it comes to work, the relationship you have w/your boss is the biggest contributing factor to your happiness and success.    

The "Golden Rule" game plan - treat you boss the way you would want your employees treating you. Why? It's the most effective way to build your relationship.

FAQ - "I'm a lot different than my boss. Won't they have different needs?"

Answer - No. Your styles may be different, but you want the same from your team. 

STEP 1 - Understand how your emotional brain can influence your relationship with boss. 

Emotional brain inputs - can cause you to misunderstand and over react to your boss. 

Emotional brain beliefs - sees the boss in black & white/all-or-nothing terms. Examples - 

• "My boss is good/bad"
• "I like/dislike my boss"
• "I trust/don't trust my boss"
• "My boss is/isn't an idiot"

Emotional brain expectations - very opinionated and prone to "should/ought/must" thinking trap. Examples -  

• "They should be available"
• "...ought to be interested in what I say"
• "...must give me quick answers"

Emotional brain habits - paranoia causes us to make the story up (mind reading or fortune telling) or seek input from others. 

• Mind reading - ex. "She thinks this is my fault"
• Fortune telling - ex. "I'm not getting the promotion"
• Commiserate (rumors/gossip) - ex. "Have you notice he's been very moody?"

Emotional brain contingencies - hunkers down preparing for worse case scenarios. 

• Wait & see (disengage)
• Assume/prepare for worse

STEP 2 - identify more productive thoughts and behaviors 

Rational brain inputs

Beliefs - your manager is going to have their style, and that style may not be to your liking. Productive beliefs include - 

• "They deserve the benefit of the doubt"
• "I need to accept/adapt to them"
• "I should NEVER surprise them"
• "I can’t read their mind"

Expectations - don't lower expectations, make them realistic and understandable. Ex. They're going to be distracted (realistic) - because you're 1 of 10 employees (understandable). 

• Distracted - because you're 1 of 10
• Reverse course - because their boss does
• Indecision - because they're authority is limited 
• Meetings will cancel - because they don’t own their calendar

Habits (best practices) - shift your perspective - what would you value in employees?  

• Embrace their communication style (medium, timing, language)
• Embrace their decision making style (autocratic, analytical, democratic)
• Self-assess - how does your boss perceive you?
• Be open - demonstrate your flexibility
• Be concise - say more with less
• Be empathetic - acknowledge how they feel
• Be solution oriented - come with ideas
• Show initiative - don’t wait
• Adjust to their schedule - be available when they’re available 
• Listen - focus on what they mean, not just what they say
• Be positive - bosses avoid negative employees
• Express gratitude - everyone needs to be appreciated

Contingencies

• If they anger you, then take a step back and cool off
• If they’re indecisive, then focus on consequence of inaction
• If you don’t get feedback, then ask them leading questions  
• If you don’t know where you stand, then ask