"A good way to coach resilience is to coach the growth mindset.
- People with a growth mindset believe that success comes through effort, not natural talent;
- That intelligence can be acquired, it's not fixed;
- The challenges are a chance to grow, not to be avoided;
- That failures are a chance to learn, not a sign of inability;
- That feedback is a gift, not a personal attack; and
- That frustration is normal and not a reason to quit.
Here's the key coaching point: You want to praise the process, not the person.
- When you praise the person, their ability, their knowledge, their attributes, you're reinforcing their current capabilities. And when adversity strikes, they'll begin to question those same capabilities.
- When you praise their process, their collaborative approach, their careful planning, their persistence, their effort and their patience, you're reinforcing the growth mindset, and you're reinforcing their grit reflex.
Remember, the grit reflex comes much more naturally to people with a growth mindset.
When you encourage people, it's easy to focus on their abilities. It's a common way to build their confidence, but it can promote self-doubt. And when they're struggling, they'll think, "If I'm so good, why is this so hard? Why did I fail? Do I really have what it takes?" And these questions often trigger a quit reflex.
So praise the process. Instead of pumping them up, praise their grit reflex. Have them recall past challenges in similar circumstances, and help them remember the process they use to overcome adversity. When they're leaning into hardship, praise their focus, their persistence, their effort, and their patience. That's how you coach the grit reflex, the growth mindset, and how you coach resilience."
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